Performance Matters
After my weak race at Boston, many people have said to me, "You've achieved your goal, you finished Boston!" My response has consistently been that while I completed it, I didn't complete it in the style I desired. I trained at a level that should have allowed me to finish the marathon in a 3:45 or thereabouts, instead I'm listed in the results with a finish of 4:13. Yes, I achieved my goal of running Boston, but to not saying that I disappointed myself would be a lie of omission.
In my twenties, I raced quite a bit, but I didn't train seriously. I had fun, but my racing was lousy. At the time, I didn't understand what it took to train right. In 1990, I trained seriously for my first marathon, the Marine Corps Marathon. I was running well, when I got to mile 18, I was feeling good. I decided to pick up the pace a little. At mile 23, I suddenly found the tank had run dry. I was on pace for a 3:25 marathon, but finished in 4:01. If I knew then what I know now, that 3:25 would be my PR. The marathon doesn't permit do-overs. There are no mulligans.
I'll never run with the big dogs, at age 46, and not having an endorphin rich body, I can't push at the levels that the top guys, even the top age group guys, can push. To me, that's OK. For me, there's one yardstick - ME! It should be the same with you. It isn't a question of whether I am better today than I once was. I know that I'm not in the shape I was in my mid-teens. The question is whether I perform at the level that my abilities AND training permit. At that, at Boston, I failed.
Performance matters, but it can only be judged relative to what we each can do. It's fun (though sometimes uncomfortable) to test your limits. Often those limits are more mental than physical. My weakness was mental, not physical. Last year, at Long Island, one of the messages I'd written on my hand was "pay the price", an in race reminder that the marathon, run well is never easy or comfortable. Somehow, I'd forgotten that truism and anticipated Boston, because it wouldn't have been as fast as Long Island, would be comfortable. My failure was to prepare myself for that discomfort. I'm disappointed because I should never have forgotten so basic a rule.
In my twenties, I raced quite a bit, but I didn't train seriously. I had fun, but my racing was lousy. At the time, I didn't understand what it took to train right. In 1990, I trained seriously for my first marathon, the Marine Corps Marathon. I was running well, when I got to mile 18, I was feeling good. I decided to pick up the pace a little. At mile 23, I suddenly found the tank had run dry. I was on pace for a 3:25 marathon, but finished in 4:01. If I knew then what I know now, that 3:25 would be my PR. The marathon doesn't permit do-overs. There are no mulligans.
I'll never run with the big dogs, at age 46, and not having an endorphin rich body, I can't push at the levels that the top guys, even the top age group guys, can push. To me, that's OK. For me, there's one yardstick - ME! It should be the same with you. It isn't a question of whether I am better today than I once was. I know that I'm not in the shape I was in my mid-teens. The question is whether I perform at the level that my abilities AND training permit. At that, at Boston, I failed.
Performance matters, but it can only be judged relative to what we each can do. It's fun (though sometimes uncomfortable) to test your limits. Often those limits are more mental than physical. My weakness was mental, not physical. Last year, at Long Island, one of the messages I'd written on my hand was "pay the price", an in race reminder that the marathon, run well is never easy or comfortable. Somehow, I'd forgotten that truism and anticipated Boston, because it wouldn't have been as fast as Long Island, would be comfortable. My failure was to prepare myself for that discomfort. I'm disappointed because I should never have forgotten so basic a rule.
posted by Scooter at 9:00 AM
3 Comments:
Sounds like your just going to have to do it agin...... (wink)
Why did you want to qualify for Boston in the first place?
And why is a "time" at Boston important to you?
Given your injuries in your last marathon training cycle, why is your Boston performance so disappointing? You suspected that this might happen.
How long is this self-flagellation going to continue?
Not that it isn't amusing, but why are you continuing to beat yourself up in post after post?
Just by qualifying, you achieved something remarkable. Sometimes you just have to take what the race gives you.
There are more Bostons, more PBs and better races in your future.
Bury this one and move on.
What's your next goal?
I bet your son still thinks your the bee's-knees and the cat's-meow. And really, what else matters?
Howdy! Vince's post is great, now if we can all move on to our next goal(s). Wayne, what race are you planning on qualifying for Boston again?
Happy trails, Bruce
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